Is the Guy You Like Crush-Worthy?
Before we start, have a look at this short and funny clip from the movie The Swan Princess. I promise that it relates to the article!
OUCH! Prince Derek definitely mastered the "offend women in five syllables or less" technique. You are probably thinking that Derek is pretty clueless and shallow at this moment and you're right. But, as girls, are we really any different?
There are many times where my friends and I will talk about crushes the same way that Derek talks about Odette. We talk about their dazzling eyes, their muscular arms, their football skills, and how popular and "cool" they are at school. I could probably draw a picture of several of my friends' crushes without even meeting them. Despite the hours that my friends and I have talked about their crushes, I know very little about the type of people these guys actually are.
I feel like that white haired guy in the video when I ask my friends why they like a particular person. They will list off physical traits, their social status, and skills to me and when I ask them about what they like about their crushes besides those things it sounds similar to this: "Well, he's just....he is so cool, and...so....there's just something about him!" I have to admit that it is incredibly easy to like someone for their talents, their sense of humor, and their cute eyes, but let's be honest; those things won't carry on a relationship. Similar values and beliefs, good character traits, and a focusing on God are the things that build strong and meaningful relationships.
But how can you tell if the guy you like has similar values to you or has good character traits? No worries, that's why I'm writting this article.Here are some words of wisdom, from men and women who are wiser than me, to help you choose who you like more carefully:
1. Watch how he treats his mother, because that is how he will treat you.
2. Pay attention to how he treats people, especially those who are considered social outcasts, ugly, old, or just plain un-cool. Guys will often be polite around pretty girls, but it takes a man of true character to be kind to those who will do nothing for his popularity.
3.
4. Ask yourself, "Does he really have a relationship with the Lord or does he just go to church to go to church?" When someone truly spends time with the Lord that person starts to become more like him. That means that they will have some characteristics that resemble God's, like integrity, compassion, honesty, and other good character traits. Does the guy you like work hard to be a reflection of Christ or do they just hang out with God at church and then not pursue a relationship with him afterwards?
5. Guys, just like us, are not perfect. You do want to be wise with who you like and make sure that they have good character, but remember that good guys have their own flaws too. I would suggest creating a short list of character flaws that are non-negotiable. For example, my non-negotiable flaws are smoking, drinking, drugs, pornography addictions, stealing, major anger issues, violent tendencies, and adultery. Before I decide whether or not I like someone I make sure that I know what major flaws they have and whether not I'd be able to handle them.
6. Ask a few wise and trustworthy people about what they think of the person that you like. The people you ask could be your mom, your pastor/youth pastor, your grandma, or your dad. Make sure that these people have similar values to you and are around your crush fairly often so that they can determine his character.
7. Remember the verse 1 Samuel 16:7, “But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." In 1 Samuel chapter 16 God sends Samuel to Bethlehem to choose one of Jesse’s sons to be the future king of Israel. Samuel saw Jesse’s son, Eliab, and thought for sure that God would chose him, but the Lord told him, “...Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." 1 Sam. 16:7.Then Jesse had each of his sons pass in front of Samuel so that he could see which one the Lord intended to be made king. Seven of Jesse’s sons passed by Samuel and none of them was the person whom God had chosen. Samuel told Jesse this and asked if he had anymore sons and Jesse admitted that there was still the youngest one who was out tending to the sheep. The youngest, David, was sent for and was anointed by Samuel since young David was the one that God had chosen to be the next king. Something that is important to note in this story is that David’s father, Jesse, didn’t think that David would be chosen as king and neither did Samuel. Samuel was sure that Eliab would be chosen to be king and David’s dad didn’t even think to call david in from tending the sheep to be looked over by Samuel. Jesse and Samuel probably thought that David’s older brothers appeared more kingly, but God knew that David had a heart of a king. Guys are more than just their bodies and their skills. They have hearts and minds that are the true essence of a themselves. Eventually, the guys we like will get old, lose hair, get weak, and maybe gain some weight. Their good looks will fade and their muscles will and sports skills will pass away. Their hearts and their minds will be what is left. After all of these things happen to your crush, will they still be worth liking? Do they have a heart that is filled with God’s love and a mind that is bent towards doing his will or is their heart filled with selfishness and their mind filled with ugly thoughts? You may want to think about these things before choosing your crush.